Sometimes, you just have to take a break, take it easy, and Let It Be. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m sitting at my Dad and Step-mom’s house with my two youngest, just hanging out. This is a relatively new experience due to a life time of estrangement. Fate decided enough was enough when a random encounter with a father I’d sworn to myself never to speak to or of again happened with my children present. You see, I’d only ever spoken of my Daddy, and that was my Step-dad, a man I hold in the highest regard, and loved with my entire heart and soul. As we walked away after a faltering, awkward chit chat and the inevitable halfhearted “I’ll get ahold of you laters”, one of my daughters looked at me and asked who that man had been. My heart dropped into my stomach, and I stammered out a response they didn’t expect at all.
“That was your Grandpa.” The deadness in my tone only confused them further, as the only grandfather they had known about was my Daddy. Naturally they had assumed they were one and the same. This was even more of a conundrum, as they were sure my Daddy had been dead for some time, which he had.
I had to confess to my kids, that I, their mom who had prided myself on being so honest and upfront with my kids, had kept a secret from them. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell them on purpose, I simply had decided that part of my life was over. Stubborn pride had robbed my babies of memories my Dad and Step-mom would have gladly given, because I had been so convinced I was vindicated in my reasons for cutting them out of my life. This is one of my most shameful moments in my entire life.
I made a decision right then and there, I’d fix this. I was scared it might be too late, too many years had passed without even a word passing between us. The irony of it all, my Dad and my Daddy had become very good friends during my teen years, and had remained so until his death, and to this day, my Dad and Step-mom share our family’s pain at the loss of such an amazing human being. I don’t remember exactly who called the other first, but he and I struck a deal, we’d just let it go. He didn’t hold any resentment of my love for the honorable man I called Daddy. My Ma and my Step-mom were also friends, which I had always found to be weird. Obviously, Dad and Ma, well they were civil at best. No, It was me who had walked away from my Dad and his darling wife. It was time the chasm closed.
Over the past few years, we’ve begun to get to know each other again, and the kids love chilling out at their house, which is very conveniently located across the street from a park that I can see the Clones from the big bay window, when they get tired of listening to the grown ups talk. It turns out we have a lot in common , including my love of the Fab Four!! I definitely know now that I am a woman shaped from the ideologies of my first love. I’m a hippie love child.
So, we’re sitting here, my kids and the folks, watching Tom and Jerry, and just groovin. It’s peaceful, harmonious.